Assure that @5 knows the target behavior        '
still has meaning for you.                      '
                                                '
Often, if a behavior loses meaning for the      '
adults in the child's world, it loses meaning   '
for the child as well.  This can be counteracted'
by reaffirming your interest in the target be-  '
havior in an ongoing way.  This is best done    '
unexpectedly and in way that lets @5            '
know that you really care.                      '
                                                '
         MAINTAINING DESIRABLE BEHAVIOR         '
                                                '
Children like the feeling that someone cares    '
about them and what they do.  This is not com-  '
municated when the behavior is not attended to. '
Enthusiasm for and involvement with the behav-  '
ior is what keeps it going.                     '
                                                '
Ask yourself:                                   '
  *  When was the last time I really noticed    '
     and responded to the target behavior?      '
  *  How can I communicate to @5 that I         '
     really care about what @3 is doing?        '
  *  Can I find ways to respond to the behav-   '
     ior that are unexpected and delightful?    '
         MAINTAINING DESIRABLE BEHAVIOR         '
                                                '
Even very young children respond to the very    '
positive attention of their caretakers.  Being  '
able to catch and hold the attention of adults  '
by what the child does is the beginning of the  '
process of socialization.                       '
                                                '
Try:                                            '
  *  Looking for what you like by watching      '
     @5 from a distance.                        '
  *  Taking part in the behavior when you see   '
     it.                                        '
  *  Spending the time to get involved without  '
     distraction.                               '
         MAINTAINING DESIRABLE BEHAVIOR         '
                                                '
Children of this age fight the need for control '
and also fear the loss of the caretaker's love. '
The caretakers must be both gentle and firm in  '
defining the limits of accepable and unaccep-   '
table behavior.                                 '
                                                '
Try:                                            '
  *  Saying no when behavior running counter to '
     the target behavior appears.               '
  *  Saying yes both verbally and non-verbally  '
     when the target behavior appears.          '
  *  Doing both as matter-of-factly as possible '
     and making each behavior a new chance.     '
         MAINTAINING DESIRABLE BEHAVIOR         '
                                                '
Children of this age like to please, but they   '
also like to be on their own.  This can lead to '
times of closeness and times of distance.  The  '
key is to keep the door to pleasing you open and'
available.                                      '
                                                '
Try:                                            '
  *  Letting @5 know what pleases you by        '
     showing your pleasure with your actions.   '
  *  Keeping your eyes open for any case of the '
     target behavior and showing your pleasure, '
     even if other things may make you want to  '
     withhold your pleasure at the time.        '
         MAINTAINING DESIRABLE BEHAVIOR         '
                                                '
Pre-adolescents flop a lot between wanting to   '
to return to the carefree world of childhood and'
wanting to be alone.  This can lead to them to  '
do the opposite of what you want just to see how'
you will respond.  The best way to react is to  '
show your disappointment and then let it go.    '
                                                '
Try:                                            '
  *  Assuring that what you want is clearly     '
     understood by @5.                          '
  *  Clearly demonstrating your pleasurre when  '
     @5 sets out to please you.                 '
  *  Letting it be when @3 doesn't please you.  '
         MAINTAINING DESIRABLE BEHAVIOR         '
                                                '
Adolescents are typically less concerned with   '
trying to please you than with earning your     '
respect.  Linking the behavior that you want to '
the human qualities that you respect and admire '
in others is one key to winning cooperation.    '
                                                '
Try:                                            '
  *  Putting your expectations in terms of how  '
     one adult would treat another.             '
  *  Demonstrating respect by treating @1 as an '
     adult when the behavior is shown.          '
  *  Showing the loss of respect when the be-   '
     havior is called for and is not shown.     '
                                                '
                                                '
                                                '
                                                '
                                                '